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I missed an opportunity years ago. It was disobedience. God had done a mighty work in me. I had lost about 100lbs…and it was all God. I’ve spent my life struggling with my weight. I remember as a young girl, like 7 or so, my mom put me on a diet. I wasn’t fat, but I had a little extra weight. I don’t know if it was because it embarrassed my mom or if she just didn’t want me to have a life where my weight would create difficult circumstances for me. My food was always restricted by her, up until I was about 15. Then, I moved back in with my dad, but I had become so self-conscious of my weight that I stayed on a diet. I struggled with my weight through high school, my twenties and early 30’s. Always searching for something that would get me to an “acceptable” weight. People, I struggled!!

My walk with God became very intense in my mid 30’s. I was so on fire for God. I had such a desire to obey Him. During that time, He had me give up TV, read the bible cover to cover, pray for hours at a time and I loved it so much!! Then, He had me focus on how I treated my body. I had sexual relations with men in my 20’s that left me full of shame. Full of shame. That was the first thing God convicted me with. So, I became celibate. Then, it became the medicine I took. I was on an anti-depressant. God told me to stop taking it and I stopped cold turkey. Due to the intense side effects, this was not the type of medicine you just stopped, you are supposed to step down. God made sure I had none of the side effects of just stopping…praise God! Next, it was about what I ate. He wanted me to fuel my body, not feed it. The way I ate completely changed. So much so, that I was asked to cook healthy meals on a women’s retreat that was focused on Proverbs 31. Show the women that healthy could taste good. Next, it was getting my body in shape. I began working out, got a trainer and completely transformed my body. And God blessed my obedience with the 100lb loss. I was supposed to use that experience in a ministry. He even gave me the name of it, “My body, God’s rules.” I got so excited, wrote up an outline of a women’s ministry to start. And then…I did nothing. God gave me this amazing experience and testimony and I did nothing with it. I look back and I’m disappointed in myself. I have felt I let God down, let myself down. I wonder sometimes what God could have done with that ministry. I think of the women that could have benefited from the wisdom God wanted to share through me, the freedom from strongholds in their lives. And, I’m filled with a feeling of regret. Now, I’ve gained some of the weight back, I’m not in the same shape I was in, and I don’t eat as healthy as I know I should. It feels so far away, so difficult to get back to where God had taken me, and I have regret because of it. I wonder if I had been obedient and started that ministry, would it be different now. Would I have maintained “God’s rules” over my body? How much more could He have done in my life and other women’s that had the same struggle that I did? I will never know…

Like me, can you look back in your life and see all of the missed opportunities, missed something God had for you. I look back and this stands out as one of my bigger moments of disobedience, but there have been other times as well. When I did something I knew that God was telling me not to do, only to regret it because of the consequences that came down the road. Again, that word regret. I can honestly say, regret always follows my disobedience…always. The world fights so hard to stop us from being obedient to God. We get so easily distracted, never enough time, we can be lazy and we have our idols. God, I pray that I am sensitive to your leading and have a heart to please and obey you. And I pray the same for you.

You are my friends if you do what I command. – John 15:14

He replied, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.” – Luke 11:28

For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous. – Romans 5:19

Do you want to be busy with the things of this world? Or do you want to live a life of obedience to God? Reaping the spiritual blessings He has for you no matter how difficult the ask from Him may be? Sometimes the asks can be intimidating, even seeming impossible. Can you believe that all things are possible with God?

God’s covenant began with Abraham. The Israelites were God’s chosen people…from the very beginning.  Many of them turned from God, killed His prophets and tore down His altars. When Elijah complained to God about this, he said he was the only one left faithful to God. God corrected him and said there were still 7000 that were still His. It goes on to say in Romans that through God’s undeserved kindness, some still remain faithful to Him because He had chosen them. The rest, their hearts had become hardened. They did not have eyes to see or ears to hear. Out of their disobedience and non-belief, salvation was made available to us Gentiles. Those that disobeyed and did not believe, their branches from the holy tree of Abraham, God’s special olive tree were broken off. We, the gentiles, their branches from a wild olive tree, were grafted in, but only the ones that believe. God didn’t spare the original branches, they were broken off. Through unbelief, a way was made for us to be welcomed into a relationship of salvation with God. Now, God will use the Gentiles to make the Israelites jealous. They will see our relationship with God and be so jealous, they will want what we have. Through that, their hearts will be turned back to God.

Did God’s people stumble and fall beyond recovery? Of course not! They were disobedient, so God made salvation available to the Gentiles. But he wanted his own people to become jealous and claim it for themselves. – Romans 11:11

But some of these branches from Abraham’s tree—some of the people of Israel—have been broken off. And you Gentiles, who were branches from a wild olive tree, have been grafted in. So now you also receive the blessing God has promised Abraham and his children, sharing in the rich nourishment from the root of God’s special olive tree. – Romans 11:17

I swear, God uses EVERYTHING!!

Now let’s ask ourselves, do we have a walk with God that someone would look at and be filled with jealousy? Are we so full of the Joy of the Lord that nothing can get us down? Do we walk in a peace that is beyond all understanding? A peace and joy that our circumstances can’t steal from us? Are we humble? I know for me, some days are better than others.  Thank goodness God hasn’t stopped His work in me! If you are like me and still a work in progress, do you desire a walk with God that shines bright with an unfailing faith? I say I do and believe that I mean it. But how I walk out most days doesn’t always echo that. I need to spend more time with God each day. I need to make that more of a priority and not be so distracted by the cares of this world. I don’t want to be a broken branch. I don’t want to go back to the wild olive tree. I want to be a part of the SPECIAL olive tree.

Now, I believe the world has watered down the word so much that the typical Christian is lukewarm. They go to church every Sunday. They pray before each meal. They go on their retreats. These are all good things. But they aren’t enough. Please don’t be fooled by the watered-down word. Lukewarm and Jesus will say He never knew you. God wants our whole heart. He wants us to believe in Him so much that we can’t help but fall in love with Him. And you can’t love Him without being changed and becoming someone that can draw others to God because they want the relationship you have with God.

Do you want to do just enough and say you believe and hope you won’t be called lukewarm? Or do you want to go all in and be a testimony of what God can do in someone?  If you want to go all in and have a walk that will impact others, then wake up each morning and start your day that way. If you fail, wake up the next morning and love Him enough to start again. Just don’t give up…you will be changed, and God will use that to change someone else.

How many of you cringed when you read that title? I know I had an emotional reaction to it this morning. It went a little like “Uh-Oh, really?!?!”

I want you to take a moment and ask yourself, do you trust God? Really trust Him? Do you believe His Word? Do you believe His promises? Do you believe He will come through for you when you need Him the most? Or do you believe you will need to handle things yourself?

My marriage has been a walk of trust. God told me before we got married these 5 things… he is your husband, he isn’t ready, he WILL overcome, I will have to break him and you will have to walk by his side while I do. We have been married 6 and a half years and I have stood on these. Even though what I have seen during our marriage makes me question him overcoming. After about 8 months of being married, a very difficult time during our marriage, I pleaded to God to confirm what he said, that he would overcome. I remember driving to work one morning, PLEADING to God to tell me it would be true, tears running down my face, I NEEDED to know I could stand on that promise. That I could endure all of what it would take to break him. Then, this sweet whisper that I heard deep inside my spirit, this whisper so full of hope and peace confirmed that my husband would overcome. I have been immovable since. I can’t say it has been easy and I haven’t had moments of doubt, I have definitely had those moments. But I have never let go of that promise. God said it, so it must be true. The enemy has attacked this, the onslaught has been relentless, unforgiving and gets more intense with each backslide. God has shown up so many times throughout this season in my life. He has provided everything I have needed, the money for hotel rooms, people to help when I needed them the most, scriptures of encouragement, glimpses into what my husband will be when God has completed His work, I can go on and on. God has used this to build a sense of trust in me that you can’t tell me God won’t be there in all things. Through this, I have been mad at God. I’ve felt abandoned by God. I have felt punished by God. I have been hopeless. I have been without peace. I have been without joy. But God in His infinite love has met me in each one of those places and has used them to draw me closer to Him, to trust Him more fully. I’m still waiting on my promise to be fulfilled, but my husband will overcome. And God is teaching me through all of this as well. He is revealing the areas in me that need to be refined. I’m not enjoying it, but I look forward to God completing the good work He has started in both me and my husband.

God will use difficult circumstances in our lives to teach us to trust Him. Circumstances that seem bleak, hopeless, impossible. But, if we open to seeking Him, He can teach us. Please know…this is the warning label…it is difficult when God is the teacher. But what is built through Him, is worth more than anything this world can ever offer you. Imagine a life built on truly trusting God in all things. See the joy and peace that you can take back from the world that had stolen it. Who or what can come against you? An all-powerful, loving God who desires to spend eternity with you is standing in between you and the world…you need only be still.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. – Psalm 32:8

And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you. – Psalm 9:10

The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him. – Psalm 28:7

being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. – Philippians 1:6

So, do you desire to trust God? Stop handling things yourself? Will you allow Him to show you He can be trusted? Are you willing to walk through those difficult times to have that built in you? Or do you want to rely on yourself? Your abilities? Your wisdom? Do you want to trust the world to teach you?

You may remember this game as a child, picking up a flower and pulling the petals off one by one to determine if the person you were thinking about loved you or not. I’m not sure about you, but I got pretty good at counting petals before I picked the flower to ensure I got the answer I wanted to hear.  Looking back, this was so silly.  But we so desperately wanted to know if he or she did or didn’t love us, right? Try to believe it was possible that our affections were returned, that we would be found worthy of love.

Do you believe God loves you? If you believe the Word, then the answer is yes.  Simple, right? Insert eye roll…of course it isn’t that simple.  It should be, but it isn’t. We know the darkest parts of ourselves. And we look at ourselves through all those layers of current and past sins. And the enemy of our soul chuckles as he reminds us of all of them. Then, we are left with a feeling of shame and a question of how could anyone love me. But God looks at us through the cleansing blood of Jesus. In Romans it tells us that nothing can separate us from the love of God. It goes on to say that this love is revealed in Christ Jesus. What is revealed is that He was beaten, whipped, hung from a cross and ultimately died to fulfill the law that required a blood sacrifice for the sins we committed. Also, when our sins fell on Him, God turned from Him. He endured moments without His Father, moments He didn’t earn Himself through a sinful life. He did all of this for each one of us. And each one of us includes you. Your sins have been paid for, every past, present and future sin. Jesus is so committed to what He did for us that He sits in a place of honor at the right hand of God and defends us as Satan accuses us. He defends the power of His blood that covers our sins and washes us clean. You didn’t earn this, it was freely given out of a deep, eternal love for you. And you can’t be separated from it. Let that sink in. You have been given a gift that is so powerful that it was meant for eternity. And you didn’t have to do anything to receive it. You don’t have to decide if you are worthy of it. God already decided that for you and His answer was YES. And that YES is revealed because He called His only son to die for your sins.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:39-39

Indeed, under the law almost everything is purified with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sins. –  Hebrews 9:22

Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them – Matthew 5:17

Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us. – Romans 8:33-34

So, I ask, can you believe that you are loved? If you can receive the love that God has for you, you can start to love yourself, see yourself through His eyes. And then you can love others, see them through the Father’s eyes. It all stems from the source, God. Or will you choose the whispers of Satan, the accuser. He says you are only as good as your list of sins. Satan needs you to stay in a place of self-hatred, never believing you are good enough to be loved. I pray that you will choose the voice of Love and allow God to show you who you are in Him. Receiving His love, loving yourself and loving others…then those whispers from the accuser get harder to hear and believe.

I wonder how many times I’ve started a sentence like this in my lifetime.  Probably way too many.  Then, I wonder how starting a sentence this way has affected my life. I can say that I’m truly grateful for all that God has provided to me and my family. But, if I wish in my heart, can I be truly grateful?  And if I’m not truly grateful, how easily can I be taken to a point of being unsatisfied?  How quickly can I be taken to a place where I don’t trust God to provide?

I grew up not having a lot, but having everything we needed.  My husband grew up with very little, where needs were met, but sometimes barely.  He looks around at our home and says that he never thought he would have such a place to call home.  I look around and wish I had a better kitchen, that we had a pool, that we lived closer to our church.  My husband looks at our home in wonder and gratitude.  I look at our home and want to make changes.  Please know that I’m grateful for our home.  But, I wish… With just those two words, our home becomes less than in my eyes.  When I think about this, it makes me sad.  This home that God provided to my family is exactly what we need it to be.  It doesn’t need to be more.  God provided. The world provides all of these shiny distractions that lead us down a path of wanting more, wanting different, not being satisfied. Which can leave us disappointed.  If we could take just a minute and truly look at all God has provided, truly look with eyes that can see. Can we see the love of the Father, even when the world says we have “nothing”. Sometimes I wonder if I would be more grateful if I had less.  Then, would God’s provision be more amplified.  What if I was hungry and had no way to get food, but then food showed up? What if I had no home, but somehow, I always had a place where I could lay my head at night.  What if I had lost my parents at a young age, but throughout my life I had people in my life that shared their wisdom, showed me love, gave me discipline and accountability, invited me to their home on Thanksgiving and Christmas? Could I see then? Would I see then?

The truth is, I don’t think I need to become a pauper to have a heart of gratitude. I just want eyes that see the hands that provided. See all that I have and not on what I don’t have. Truly be grateful that what God has provided and have a heart that says, it is enough. I want to share with a heart of generosity in times of abundance. I want to be grateful in anticipation of God’s provision in times of need.

Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! – Luke 12:24

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:19

Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. – Matthew 6:31-32

So, is your choice to look around and wish for things you don’t have? Or, will you choose a heart of gratitude that what you have been provided is enough? Will you choose to believe that your heavenly Father will provide for your every need? Can you live a life of confident anticipation that God will show up in your time of need? That can be a hard one. So, then, will you believe that His word is true?

Have you ever been told you are a perfectionist? I have. And unfortunately, challenge accepted. I spend so much time thinking about what other people’s expectations could be so that I can exceed them, so they can see me as perfect. Why? If I’m being completely honest and transparent, I need them to not see my flaws. Simple as that. I have this elusive desire to be seen as perfect. It is exhausting. Trying to be perfect, for everyone, is like running on a hamster wheel. You can’t meet the goal of perfection, but you never stop trying. Why do I have the belief that me, myself and all of my flaws are not good enough? What’s so wrong with my flaws? Why do I try so hard to hide them? Do I even know they are there anymore? Or is that the whole point of the perfect lie? If you start to believe you can be perfect, what do you have to take to the throne of Grace? How do you kneel before a perfect Love if you are trying to be Him? Whoa…and there it is. Perfectionism is a sense that we can rely on only ourselves. It is pride, deep rooted pride. All the compliments…”Aww, you think of everything.”…”Aww, what would we do without you.”…”You are so talented…smart…funny…” Those compliments are the energy source for our hamster wheel race. Don’t get me wrong, the compliments are kind and well meaning…if received with any humility at all, recognizing that any good thing in us has come from the Father. Otherwise…energy source…hamster wheel. Maybe I need a t-shirt that says, “I am full of pride, please don’t compliment me today.” ….I’m just imagining the conversations that stem from that one…LOL!! Anyway…Let’s face the truth, we need to be open with ourselves about our flaws. I’ll use my pride as an example. I am in utter awe and have a deep respect for someone walking in humility. They amaze me and they are beautiful to me. I’m drawn to them, I want to sit with them, be a part of their lives. So why do I believe the lie that I need to be perfect, there is no humility in that. Something that amazes me in others, something I find absolutely beautiful, I don’t chase after for myself. It took writing this to fully admit to the level of pride that I hide behind. (Thank you, Father!) So, what is my walk missing if I don’t face my pride, lay it at the Father’s feet and surrender it to Him?

I want to stop believing the perfect lie. Allow God to lead me to see my flaws and allow Him to lead me on a journey to overcoming. Or, let God show me that this is how He made me and show me my flaw through the lens of Perfect Love. Either way, it is a God story, another brick in my foundation and another step into the life He created me to live.

Each time He said, ”My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9

Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant. – Galatians 1:10

So, you have a choice. Keep believing the lie and exhaust yourself chasing perfectionism. Or stop hiding them and fly your flawed flag. Carry them to the throne of Grace, surrender them. Our weaknesses are a stage for His strength and power. And no one can author a better testimony than Him!

I was talking with someone last week about a struggle they were working through.  They had done something seemingly innocent, but when they searched their heart, their motive wasn’t.  In the past, this person would have sat in their shame which would lead to a bad decision and a destructive cycle.  In that moment, the wisdom of the Lord came and I said, “God is teaching you how to stumble so that you don’t fall.”  Whoa…Whoa, what?  Teaching us to stumble? Yes, teaching us to stumble.  You see the Word says, you will stumble, but you will not fall.  So, why is learning to stumble important? It isn’t about the stumble; it is about how we handle the stumble. Do we get up, repent (truly repent), receive our forgiveness and accept that Jesus died for that sin? Or do we wallow in making another mistake, filling ourselves with shame (and a bowl of ice cream) thinking we are nothing new, just the same old sinner? How we handle the stumbles will determine if there will be a fall.  So, praise God, He will teach us how to stumble so that we don’t have to fall.

though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. – Psalm 37:24

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! – 2 Corinthians 5:17

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. – 1 John 1:9

So, given the opportunity of a stumble, will you choose to follow the Word, that you are forgiven and have been made new? Or will you follow the path that you are the same old sinner so what’s the point and walk straight to the nearest ledge? 

Several years ago, God laid scripture art on my heart.  It came in a season where my husband had to leave for over a year to go to a Christian based rehab out of state.  He struggles with drug use, and he has searched for, and ran from, freedom for most of his life.  But, in that season, he had to be gone for 14 months and I was left alone with God, my thoughts, my hurt. The first thing God laid on my heart was to surround my home with scripture.  So, off to the store I went and bought every piece of scripture art that called to my heart.  Hung it up, I was so proud of myself.  What an obedient child of God I was.  For several weeks, I thought that was the end of it. Then, that whisper…you know that whisper.  It starts that something isn’t quite right, what I had done was a good thing, but God wanted something deeper.  It took me a minute, several minutes that turned into several weeks, but He finally got me there.  He wanted me to create the scripture art that He laid on my heart.  Scriptures that He would lead me to and then let my artistic freedom run wild on what to do with it.  Here I was, God was speaking to me scriptures I so desperately needed to hear.  And then, a part of me came alive, a part of His creation of me, an artistic side that had been dormant since high school.  So, I started slow, creating a piece here and there.  Then, God had me start making pieces for people He would bring into my life that were hurting or needed encouragement.  What an amazing thing God’s word can do in someone’s life. Then, to have a piece of art that was made just for them, their circumstances…God is so good at the details.  Anyway, I did that for several years.  I have several pieces that He led me to make that didn’t have a particular person in mind.  So, I wait to hear from Him on who they belong to.

So, fast forward to now. A few months ago, the Lord led me through a thought. I would see these scriptures, create this art and it was always in answer to something in that person.  I felt this nudge, this question, “Why do they need this encouragement? Why do they need to be reminded?”. I realized it was because they had started listening to the world and following its direction.  God wanted them to hear something else, His voice, His wisdom, His way.  Then, it hit me, it jolted me, God was asking a question “Which voice will you follow?”. I realized that what God was using in the scripture art, was a weapon against the lies of this world. The lies we were choosing to believe from the enemy of our soul.  You know the one, the liar, the destroyer, the thief. Why we would believe anything from a liar, or a thief is beyond me…or is it.  I realized that I believe them all the time.  When I look in the mirror and don’t see the image of God, when my husband would use again and I would get angry at him, when I became discontent with my job, when I looked at others and wished I had something they had.  All those things stem from a lie.  The lie comes first, it always does.  Second, we have a choice to go to battle over that lie or believe it.  The Word says that we don’t battle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 6:12).  This battle begins with just a thought.  If we agree with that thought, we just surrendered to this dark world, and it has its way with us and those we love.  If we call that out as a lie and decide to believe what God says, we have decided to fight.  God wants you to hear His voice.  He wants you to follow His voice.  He won’t yell louder than a whisper, but in that whisper is power.  Power over the rulers, power over the authorities, power over this dark world, power over the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  But you must decide, almost minute to minute which voice you will follow. I don’t know about you, but I get tired of fighting. I feel like the battle of me walking in freedom is constant, unrelenting and in my weakness, the lies are convincing. This is what has triggered this blog.  I believe God wants to teach me, and anyone that happens to find this, the power of His truth, His Word.

Ephesians 6:10-17 – The Armor of God

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

The shield of Faith and the Sword of the Spirit, they are both leveraging the Word.  The shield that represents Faith, that is faith that the Word of God is true, and you can stand on it. He is who He says He is.  He will do what He says He will do.  His promises are true.  He loves you.  If you can believe those things, then that is the shield from any attack of the enemy. The sword of the Spirit is the Word of God, an offensive weapon to fight off the enemy of our soul. God’s Word is power, believe it, let it dwell in your heart, unleash it, FIGHT!

I’m going to use this time to figure out “Which voice will I follow?”.