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During these times, deceit will grow. The lies will speak to our flesh, the truth will go against the masses and will seem false. Our Father has warned us through the prophecies. The prophets foretold of the crucifixion. Don’t doubt the visions shared with them from the Lord about the end of our time in this world. They will come to pass. He even said it could only last for so long before even the elect would fall. (Mathew 24:22) I know I don’t count myself as an elect, there is still so much sand in my foundation. So I have to ask, what could be my fall?  Then I hope to pray that the Lord reveal it to me. Either guide me away from it or refine that part of me. The enemy is knocking on every door and window of your house. Make no mistake, he is trying to get in through any way he can. Any weakness, any sin, any distance from the Lord. He comes to destroy, kill and steal any good thing from the Father. Good things aren’t wealth, power or fame. Good things are Joy, Peace and the confidence that the Lord is who He says He is and can do what He says He can do. He is also the one that holds our forever in His hands. Who’s voice will you listen to today?

Pray for the wisdom to KNOW the voice you hear. And then pray for the strength to listen to the one who cares more about your forever than He does about your today.

In church today during praise and worship, I felt the Lord lead me to pray. I started praying for the heart of the body, that they would soften their hearts and allow the Lord to overtake their hearts. During the rest of worship, I pondered the word “overtake”. It seemed so specific and not from my own thoughts. I wanted to understand the word and why the Lord had chosen it for the prayer over the body today. I thought it had meant to take over. Yes, Lord, take over my heart. But, when I got home, I looked up the word. Webster’s dictionary defines the word as “to catch up with” & “to catch up with and pass”. In that moment, I realized God’s purpose in the prayer. He is against what we have turned our hearts towards. Our hearts are not His, they have been given over to our flesh and to the pleasures of this world. The world and self have become our focus. We have left Him behind.

He chases after us, offering beautiful things like Love, Joy and Peace, and we stay just out of His reach because we are busy chasing the counterfeit things of this world. Money, power, respect, physical pleasure are what we put our trust in. We are silly creatures, really. I run from the One that chose to show me pure love, sacrifice for me so that I can reach after things that fail me and are fleeting. It sounds ridiculous. So, I have to ask why does He chase after us? I know the darkness I still have in me. I know how I fail Him every day. I know the distance I cause. Yet, He never stops, He is relentless, determined. I’ve come to realize that He comes after me simply because I am His. His creation. His daughter. His masterpiece. He chose me to be His. This is why He wants to overtake ME…catch ME and pass ME by…put Himself in front of ME, in front of SELF. He wants ME to let go of SELF. He wants my heart as HIS. That is His deserved place in my life…and yours.

Yes, Lord, OVERTAKE me. Catch my heart and lead me. Teach me to discount the desires of my flesh. Help me to let go of self and the world and its desires. Teach me to only have a heart for You. Let your will and way be the light unto my path. AMEN

Ok, can we all agree it can be really hard to wait on God? I’ll confidently answer for us all and say “Absolutely!” There are a several types of waiting I know I’ve experienced. Prayers that He hasn’t responded to…wait. Prayers He responded to, but He is still preparing…wait. Feeling led in a certain direction but feel Him holding us back…wait. Promises He makes that haven’t happened yet…wait. I’m sure there are others, but I’ll stop with those 4 for now. I think you all know we wait on God, a lot!!

For the past 7 years, I have felt like I have been sitting in a waiting room. Anxiously waiting for my name to be called, for whoever I was waiting on to be ready for me. You see before I was married, I was on fire for God, believed I could handle anything without my fire going out. Then, I stepped onto the path that God had laid out for me. A path that included being refined in the fire. A path that would test my faith, my love of God, my belief in scripture and if this relationship with God was really worth how hard it can be to choose His ways over mine. It was a gauntlet of attacks from the enemy, anything and everything thrown at me to move from the path my Father called me to.

After years of warring on behalf of my husband, my family, myself, I was tired. The kind of tired that can only be described as weary and losing hope. My husband continued to use, continued to lie, continued to put himself above our family, above me and above God. I was unbelievably discouraged. I turned to God and He told me to wait. He had promised me that my husband would overcome. He showed me in my spirit what the husband He was preparing would look like. But I had to wait for it. Wait for His timing, His way. So, I sat in the waiting room. I felt forgotten. I felt sacrificed for the good of my husband while I shriveled up. I lost all of my fire, most of my confidence, my gifts dimmed. God was good during that time; He would lead me to do things that would give me some relief and fill me back up to withstand some more waiting. Withstand more discouragement. Withstand more attacks. I finally got to the point where I would admit I was mad at God. Being transparent with Him gave Him what He needed to refine me, minister to my spirit and fill me with enough strength to keep waiting.

You see, I realized not only was I waiting on God’s promise to set my husband free, but I was also in the waiting room for what God needed to deal with in me. I have not enjoyed my time in the waiting room. I know I could have waited with more hope, joy, patience than I did. I could have waited better. I wasn’t as solid as I had thought. God knew this. God used my weakness to root out those things that needed to be addressed. He needed them at the surface so He could deal with them. And He did! He created something new in me, strengthened my foundation further. Praise to our Maker that He is faithful not to leave us in our ignorance and pride.

After seven and a half years of marriage and 10 years of praying (warring), my husband was delivered a few weeks ago. My husband had been in a waiting room of his own.  I’ll share more of that in detail when the Lord opens that door. But what I want to share now was when that happened, the door of the waiting room opened.  A couple weeks later a friend spoke a word from the Lord over me and it lit me up inside. A fire caught. With that word from the Lord and what He had been doing in me and my husband while I was waiting, my confidence came back, my warrior spirit awakened, my gifts reignited. I felt alive again, I felt prepared, USABLE. Turns out, all of the waiting and trials were preparing both my husband and I for God’s purpose in our lives. He put us together because our ministry is together. It needed both of us and what we each walked through. Our ministry is based on all that we walked through, what we overcame, and it tells two sides of that story. And that story is beautiful, healing and shows the POWER AND LOVE OF GOD!! All that we lived through and overcame, all that we are, be to the GLORY OF GOD!!

I’ll share more about my husband’s deliverance and what he looks like now in another post when God leads. But know for now, his waiting room paid off. What I see now has exceeded my expectations of God’s promise. And I am now hopeful for our future together and I look forward to how God will use us both in revealing who He is and what He can do in someone’s life. And mostly how much He loves us in our darkness to set us free of it.

Please know that waiting has a purpose. It is uncomfortable, but it is done out of so much love and completeness. Below are some of the scriptures God led me to that I clung to during my time in the waiting room.

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives – 1 Peter 3:1-2

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. – Philippians 1:6

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. – Galatians 6:9

You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed. – Joshua 23:14

A couple of years ago, I got it in my head that I wanted to read the bible cover to cover in 30 days. A friend had told me about it and explained that it isn’t about studying or meditating on the word, but to see a bigger picture, repetitive themes, see how everything pieces together into the whole. The type of things you can miss if you just read a book or isolate yourself in a handful of chapters during your study time. First, I want to note my epic failure of accomplishing this. I made it through Genesis and Exodus and part of Leviticus in the first few days and then…well, I stopped. No excuse, it was just more than I was prepared for at the time. I gave myself some grace so that my enemy couldn’t dance at my party of shame. But, in that short attempt at a lofty goal, God revealed something to me that I haven’t been able to let go of since. When God did something or shared something, they built an altar. They took the time to recognize God’s interaction with them, they didn’t want to forget or let it pass by.

14 The Lord said to Abram after Lot had parted from him, “Look around from where you are, to the north and south, to the east and west. 15 All the land that you see I will give to you and your offspring[a] forever. 16 I will make your offspring like the dust of the earth, so that if anyone could count the dust, then your offspring could be counted. 17 Go, walk through the length and breadth of the land, for I am giving it to you.” 18 So Abram went to live near the great trees of Mamre at Hebron, where he pitched his tents. There he built an altar to the Lord. – Genesis 13:14-18

20 Then Noah built an altar to the Lord and, taking some of all the clean animals and clean birds, he sacrificed burnt offerings on it. 21 The Lord smelled the pleasing aroma and said in his heart: “Never again will I curse the ground because of humans, even though[a] every inclination of the human heart is evil from childhood. And never again will I destroy all living creatures, as I have done. – Genesis 8:20-21

As I meditated on this, God revealed something. These moments we have with God, He wants us to use them as building blocks to our faith. They allow us to have these reference points of His goodness and that He provides, He is faithful. But do we take the time to do something that captures them…so we don’t forget. Do we “build an altar”? Or do we gloss over them and not recognize the significance they have in our walk with the Lord.

I have many of these “altars” throughout my walk with the Lord. I’ve kept up with them through journaling or taking the time to recognize their importance in my life and write them in my heart and mind. For instance, about 11 years ago, God told me very clearly that I would marry in the month of February. It was so clear, a statement of fact. I wasn’t dating anyone, so I wasn’t sure where it had come from. But I journaled it, somehow, I knew it was important. The next couple of years went by and Feb of each of those years came and went, none of them included me walking down an aisle that wasn’t in the grocery store. After a couple of years, I honestly forgot about it. I met the man God had picked for me. He wasn’t ready and we weren’t equally yoked. He was also a drug addict. But God had told me he was my husband. So, I trusted God and the relationship progressed. He ended up asking me to marry him on Jan 29^th, his birthday. Neither one of us wanted a long engagement or a big wedding. I had it in my head that if we were married, he would stop using. I was very naïve. I jumped on getting the license quickly, packing 4 weeks of marriage counselling into 2 and planning a very small wedding at our house. We were married on Feb 20^th. It was a whirlwind. That first year was tough, he continued to use, and our relationship reflected how unequally yoked we were. Out of a need to control an uncontrollable situation, I did things that I would have never wanted to do in my marriage. Tried to control the money, ultimatums, kicked him out, said horrible, horrible things to him. Because of all of this, I was determined we had gotten married at the wrong time; I SHOULD HAVE WAITED!! Then, he admitted about halfway through that first year that he had read one of my journals when he was moving some furniture and had seen it. Panicked, I found the journal and started reading it, I couldn’t remember what I had written. That’s when I found the entry about being married in February. I just sat down, floored, I had forgotten. Thank goodness I had journaled it! That “altar” told me that I got married in God’s timing and that all of this was part of His plan. I didn’t like what was going on, but I stopped wondering if I married him before I was supposed to. I knew that the timing was God’s and no matter how bad it got, I could trust that.

Please don’t gloss over those moments with God. All that He shares has purpose. You NEVER know when you will need something He provided. You NEVER know when that will be what will sustain you. You NEVER know when it is all you need to withstand a storm. God is good, He provides. His provision goes so far beyond what we need to survive in this world. He provides what we need to survive the fiery darts of a relentless enemy, intent on stealing, killing and destroying us. Take the time to “build an altar” to remember His provision for when you need it the most.

When I’m ministering, I will see these images, images that I use to explain something to someone that is struggling with a particular situation or their relationship with God. Those images come from God along with the wisdom to apply them. They are usually sort of funny, out of the box, unexpected. I think He does that because people usually remember the unexpected or He just knows I work better with humor…He knows me. The other night I was talking with my best friend. She was struggling hearing from God. She had been praying for direction for many weeks regarding her job and was frustrated that she hadn’t heard an answer. She felt chaos and confusion, two things God does not produce. In my mind, I saw her wearing a backpack and it was full. The wisdom that God shared with me was…perfect. She was carrying a backpack to the feet of God and she had filled that backpack with all of her (the world’s) perspective of the situation. She wasn’t taking any of that out and leaving room to get God’s.

How often do we cry out to God for an answer to something we are struggling with, only to filter it through our own thoughts of the situation? In our prayers, in our hearts, we carry our desires…our plans…our wisdom. We fill our backpacks with all the worldly arguments…all the worldly facts…our idols and we expect God to work within those. We don’t give God room for His thoughts…His plans…His wisdom…His desires. How do we expect to fill ourselves with Him, if we are already filled up with our own stuff? God is a Gentleman; He will only fill the areas where we leave room for Him.

So, my advice to my best friend was to empty her backpack. Pull out all of the worldly arguments, her own perspective, go empty handed to the throne of grace. Go with a heart that only desires His direction. Ready with the hope and belief He will answer her prayer. And, pray for a heart willing to follow where He leads. We don’t know what is around the corner. He does. We don’t know what’s best for us. He does. I told her once she gets His answer, she will feel peace, no chaos, no confusion, just peace. I spoke with such confidence when I said, He WILL answer the prayer of someone that has let go of the world and themselves, seeking ONLY His words and BELIEVES He will answer.

The next day I got a text from her. She sent me the prayer she had prayed all day. She emptied her backpack. She prayed with hope and belief He would answer.

He did.  

Do you want make room for God in your backpack? Well, you will need to take some of your stuff out first.

I’ve been dealing with this for a while now. Please know, I love God. But right now, I have moments where I’m a little mad at Him. I guess it could be better described as I don’t like what’s going on and I don’t understand what He is doing.

I’ve mentioned that my husband struggles with drug use. I have been praying for him before I even met him. I have been on my knees, my face, I’d stand on my head if I thought that would get God’s attention. The circumstance has just gotten worse and scarier. And I’ve felt very alone.

I know it is all me. I had expectations He didn’t meet. A timeline in mind and He’s taking longer than I believed it should. I had imagined how it would unfold and it looks nothing like that. I have all these thoughts come and I start to get upset. Sometimes I’m sad, poor pitiful me and what I have to walk through. Other times, I’m mad and since I know God is in control, I start to question Him. Why won’t you step in and take care of this? Why do you continue to allow this to get worse? I’ve been obedient, done all that you have asked in this circumstance. Have you abandoned me? Do you not love me?

When I finally get all of that out and I calm down to hear Him, feel Him, SOMETHING. He reminds me that He has been by my side this entire time. He has protected me; it could have been so much worse. He has provided for me, I always had what I needed, when I needed it. I have seen His fingerprints all over this circumstance. I’ve seen His love, forgiveness, mercy and grace, firsthand. So, God is still working on my husband. But, I have things in me that God wants to root out and He will use this circumstance to do it. I still don’t like the way this is unfolding or how long it is taking…but EVERYTHING in me says I just need to trust God.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. – Isaiah 55:8-9

Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you. – Deuteronomy 31:8

If you get mad, will you stay mad at God? Will you trust that His ways are good and His timing is perfect?

Did you realize your faith was built on a foundation? And that the strength of your faith is dependent on how solid your foundation is?

One thing I share about my faith is that God has taken a lot of time building different parts of my foundation. And I didn’t enjoy a single minute of it, but I wouldn’t trade the outcome for anything in this world.

For instance…the submissive wife. Ok, so what God had to work with was a woman who was independent, strong willed, self-sufficient, a leader and could be sort of bossy. At that time in my life, I perceived being a submissive wife as being weak, a doormat for a man to walk all over. Sorry, God, but you had a mighty work to do. Around my early-ish 30’s, I started to want to be married. Before then, I didn’t like being alone, but marriage didn’t seem that appealing either. God heard that desire, probably sighed, rolled up His sleeves and said bless her heart, this is going to be uncomfortable…for her. But, over the next few years, He showed me what it really looked like to be a Godly wife. Being submissive, it wasn’t weak, it took strength to share your perspective and then trust your husband to make the right decisions. What I really learned was to trust God. He kept me single, and He taught me by calling me to submit to Him. Trust Him. Wait on Him. Follow Him. Trust His order of things. It wasn’t easy waiting on the Lord, the desire to be married had become intense, the loneliness I felt was sometimes overwhelming. But I waited patiently. By patient I mean, I waited with tears and frustration. But God got me there, God had prepared me to be a godly wife.

But there is one thing I want you to know: The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. – 1 Corinthians 11:3

I’ve shared before that I can be immovable when it comes to a word or revelation from God. God did that. Before He did this, I second guessed, I would waiver. But, God wanted to change that in me. When God pointed out my husband, it didn’t make any sense. First of all, I didn’t know him. Second, he completely rejected me. Next, he struggles with drug use. Trust me, outside looking in, this made no sense. My friends didn’t understand, strangers didn’t understand. But, I stood, immovable on what God had said. Make no mistake, this was a hard walk. To be rejected…hurts! But I could feel God teaching me something, so I hung in there. I had this deep desire to have what He wanted to give me. And I got it, when God speaks, you can’t move me. And regardless of the bumps in my marriage due to the drugs, I can now fully see how my husband was built for me and me for him.

So, you can see there are cracks in our foundation that only God can reset. It is unbelievably uncomfortable. When the Word says we will be refined in the fire, He isn’t kidding. But then it goes on to share that the purpose of this is for your faith to remain strong through many trials. And trials you will have in this life.

These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. – 1 Peter 1:7

The walk of a Christian cannot be represented by rainbows and unicorns. The Christian walk is hard. But, we have God on our side, investing in our eternity, strengthening us to withstand what this world will try to use to tear us down. Like I said near the beginning, I did not enjoy being refined, but I wouldn’t trade the foundation I have now for anything this world could ever offer me.

So, are you willing to be taught in the fire? Are you willing to walk out difficult times knowing God is using that to strengthen you? Will you pray about the cracks in your foundation and ask God to repair them? Or does that seem too much for you?

Are we working in harmony with the rest of the body? Or are we using our gifts that God gave us to serve ourselves?

In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly. – Romans 12:6-8

From whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. – Ephesians 4:6

So, God is telling us to use the gifts He has given us and to use them as a body focused on love.

God is so awesome, for so many reasons. But one thing I’ve noticed about the gifts He gave me is that they feel so RIGHT when I’m acting on them, sharing them with others. I don’t know about you, but when my gifts are active, my tank is being filled. So, all of the pouring out God is commanding us to do, is actually filling us back up. Only God can do that!

One of the gifts God gave me was hospitality. When I have people in my home, I have spent time thinking about how to make them feel welcomed and loved. Lots and lots of time. What are their favorite foods, what do they like to drink, what can I do to make those things special. All of the time I spend on this seems to fly, it brings me so much joy. Then, putting it all together, I’m never tired while doing any of the work. And finally, when I get to see their reaction, they feel special, loved…my tank is full!! And even when I don’t see a reaction, my tank is still full because I know God saw the effort I put into showing someone they are loved. However, if I’m not careful, I can use this gift to serve myself. Believe that all of the work and the desire to make someone feel special has a goal of making me feel good about what I did. Again, my pride. Have I mentioned I have an issue with pride…I do, and I pray God, in His love for me, will teach me humility and a deep knowing that I have nothing to boast about, all good things are for the glory and by the power of God.

Another gift God gave me is I can be immovable. God tells me something or He gives me revelation…you can’t move me. Now, in the hands of God, this gift is good. I will share His truth and wisdom with so much confidence and His power will come through. But we can’t forget that the enemy will swoop in and steal and destroy and he is not above using our gifts against us and those around us. When I fall for the tricks of the enemy, my being immovable becomes stubbornness. Stubbornness with a side of pride. I can become so stubborn that regardless of someone else’s good point or wisdom, I will not budge. And this is me serving myself.

So, will you walk in your gifts and give the glory to God? Will you ask Him if there are gifts you have that are being used against you and act on His answer? Or, will you allow the enemy to further steal from you something God gave you for the good of others and good for you?

First, when I was 5 years old, I lost my Grandfather. This was an intense loss for me. You see my Grandfather loved me just because I existed. I didn’t have to BE anything for him. It was a pure love…and I haven’t had that kind of love since. I still cry to this day when I think of that loss.

When I was 12, my parents got divorced. It had its messiness and felt so wrong. So, when I was 13, I prayed to God that divorce wouldn’t be a part of my story. God was faithful and has answered that prayer. I’ve had very few actual relationships…very few. I forgot about that prayer and believed something was wrong with me. Why did no one choose me? My answer to that was to have casual flings in my 20’s. I couldn’t be hurt or be rejected…it was just casual. Again, there was this emptiness inside of me and I was trying to fill it, or guard it in my own way.

In my late 20’s, I lost a dear friend. She had gotten married; he wasn’t good to her, and I spoke up about it. He pulled her away from me. My best friend for over 10 years…gone. I made a new friend a few years later only to find out she was using me. After that, I didn’t trust women and I didn’t want to be hurt again. So, I was guarded and kept people at arm’s length. To create that distance, I could be downright cruel to people. I didn’t care what they thought of me, and I certainly didn’t care if I hurt them. I look back and I’m ashamed of the things I would say to people. Again, there was this empty place inside and I was guarding it.

I never really wanted to have a child. I was never able to see myself with children. But, in my early 30’s I had this sense of I’m alone, not married, when will this not even be a decision I can make. So, Mother’s Day would roll around each year and I struggled. I wouldn’t go to church. I would get frustrated when people would wish me a happy Mother’s Day. I would tell them I’m not a mother and they would tell me that I have dogs and that counts. Ugh, really?!?! They just didn’t want to leave me out on a day that a woman should be celebrated. I’ve struggled with that day every year. Even though I didn’t want children, I would feel this sense of emptiness on that day and with every well wish I would feel less than. Like I was missing out on something expected of me.

Now, God is slowly filling the spot my Grandfather left empty in me. God used how my Grandfather loved me to show me what His love could look like. It was a gift. My heart recognizes it and I know that it is pure and good. That I’m accepted exactly how He made me and that I was a creation of His. Having that love early in life made me fall in love with God’s love.

I ended up not getting married until I was 40 and I married a man that God picked out for me. God saved me for this man and kept others away. My marriage is far from perfect, but I trust God and God uses the bumps to teach me. God has also used my casual flings and has turned shame into a powerful testimony.

I can now trust women again and can joyfully say that I have many women friends and have a new best friend that I trust with every secret. I needed these women and God provided them. He speaks to me through them.

When I married, I gained a step-daughter. At that time, we had her every other weekend. But I told my husband in our first year of marriage, that we would have her full time someday. Given the circumstances, he thought that was impossible. 5 years later, she lives with us full time. Her mom and I completely respect our different roles in her life. She is her mom and I respect that. I love her daughter unconditionally and she is grateful that her daughter has me. This past Mother’s Day, at church, her mom and I stood beside OUR daughter…together. Only God can move like that.

I still have some empty places in me, but God has worked to fill the ones I mentioned as only He can, in His way. And how He filled them have been beyond what I could have ever asked for or imagined. He astounds me. I stand in awe of Him and His love. I don’t deserve it, but that doesn’t matter to Him. I exist; therefore He loves me. And because He loves me, He works to fill the empty places and heal the hurts that have come through my own disobedience or from those that I love. God is good…and as a friend of mine would always respond…All the time, He is good.

“You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.” – Psalm 63:1

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. – Ephesians 3:20

Do you have empty places inside of you? Have you sought to fill those places your way, but they still feel empty? Will you continue to seek the things of this world to fulfill you? Or will you give God a chance to fill those empty places? I hope you will give God a chance. I promise, He won’t disappoint.