Ok, can we all agree it can be really hard to wait on God? I’ll confidently answer for us all and say “Absolutely!” There are a several types of waiting I know I’ve experienced. Prayers that He hasn’t responded to…wait. Prayers He responded to, but He is still preparing…wait. Feeling led in a certain direction but feel Him holding us back…wait. Promises He makes that haven’t happened yet…wait. I’m sure there are others, but I’ll stop with those 4 for now. I think you all know we wait on God, a lot!!
For the past 7 years, I have felt like I have been sitting in a waiting room. Anxiously waiting for my name to be called, for whoever I was waiting on to be ready for me. You see before I was married, I was on fire for God, believed I could handle anything without my fire going out. Then, I stepped onto the path that God had laid out for me. A path that included being refined in the fire. A path that would test my faith, my love of God, my belief in scripture and if this relationship with God was really worth how hard it can be to choose His ways over mine. It was a gauntlet of attacks from the enemy, anything and everything thrown at me to move from the path my Father called me to.
After years of warring on behalf of my husband, my family, myself, I was tired. The kind of tired that can only be described as weary and losing hope. My husband continued to use, continued to lie, continued to put himself above our family, above me and above God. I was unbelievably discouraged. I turned to God and He told me to wait. He had promised me that my husband would overcome. He showed me in my spirit what the husband He was preparing would look like. But I had to wait for it. Wait for His timing, His way. So, I sat in the waiting room. I felt forgotten. I felt sacrificed for the good of my husband while I shriveled up. I lost all of my fire, most of my confidence, my gifts dimmed. God was good during that time; He would lead me to do things that would give me some relief and fill me back up to withstand some more waiting. Withstand more discouragement. Withstand more attacks. I finally got to the point where I would admit I was mad at God. Being transparent with Him gave Him what He needed to refine me, minister to my spirit and fill me with enough strength to keep waiting.
You see, I realized not only was I waiting on God’s promise to set my husband free, but I was also in the waiting room for what God needed to deal with in me. I have not enjoyed my time in the waiting room. I know I could have waited with more hope, joy, patience than I did. I could have waited better. I wasn’t as solid as I had thought. God knew this. God used my weakness to root out those things that needed to be addressed. He needed them at the surface so He could deal with them. And He did! He created something new in me, strengthened my foundation further. Praise to our Maker that He is faithful not to leave us in our ignorance and pride.
After seven and a half years of marriage and 10 years of praying (warring), my husband was delivered a few weeks ago. My husband had been in a waiting room of his own. I’ll share more of that in detail when the Lord opens that door. But what I want to share now was when that happened, the door of the waiting room opened. A couple weeks later a friend spoke a word from the Lord over me and it lit me up inside. A fire caught. With that word from the Lord and what He had been doing in me and my husband while I was waiting, my confidence came back, my warrior spirit awakened, my gifts reignited. I felt alive again, I felt prepared, USABLE. Turns out, all of the waiting and trials were preparing both my husband and I for God’s purpose in our lives. He put us together because our ministry is together. It needed both of us and what we each walked through. Our ministry is based on all that we walked through, what we overcame, and it tells two sides of that story. And that story is beautiful, healing and shows the POWER AND LOVE OF GOD!! All that we lived through and overcame, all that we are, be to the GLORY OF GOD!!
I’ll share more about my husband’s deliverance and what he looks like now in another post when God leads. But know for now, his waiting room paid off. What I see now has exceeded my expectations of God’s promise. And I am now hopeful for our future together and I look forward to how God will use us both in revealing who He is and what He can do in someone’s life. And mostly how much He loves us in our darkness to set us free of it.
Please know that waiting has a purpose. It is uncomfortable, but it is done out of so much love and completeness. Below are some of the scriptures God led me to that I clung to during my time in the waiting room.
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives – 1 Peter 3:1-2
And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. – Philippians 1:6
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. – Galatians 6:9
You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed. – Joshua 23:14
Which Voice Will You Follow? 