Mad at God…

I’ve been dealing with this for a while now. Please know, I love God. But right now, I have moments where I’m a little mad at Him. I guess it could be better described as I don’t like what’s going on and I don’t understand what He is doing.

I’ve mentioned that my husband struggles with drug use. I have been praying for him before I even met him. I have been on my knees, my face, I’d stand on my head if I thought that would get God’s attention. The circumstance has just gotten worse and scarier. And I’ve felt very alone.

I know it is all me. I had expectations He didn’t meet. A timeline in mind and He’s taking longer than I believed it should. I had imagined how it would unfold and it looks nothing like that. I have all these thoughts come and I start to get upset. Sometimes I’m sad, poor pitiful me and what I have to walk through. Other times, I’m mad and since I know God is in control, I start to question Him. Why won’t you step in and take care of this? Why do you continue to allow this to get worse? I’ve been obedient, done all that you have asked in this circumstance. Have you abandoned me? Do you not love me?

When I finally get all of that out and I calm down to hear Him, feel Him, SOMETHING. He reminds me that He has been by my side this entire time. He has protected me; it could have been so much worse. He has provided for me, I always had what I needed, when I needed it. I have seen His fingerprints all over this circumstance. I’ve seen His love, forgiveness, mercy and grace, firsthand. So, God is still working on my husband. But, I have things in me that God wants to root out and He will use this circumstance to do it. I still don’t like the way this is unfolding or how long it is taking…but EVERYTHING in me says I just need to trust God.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. – Isaiah 55:8-9

Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you. – Deuteronomy 31:8

If you get mad, will you stay mad at God? Will you trust that His ways are good and His timing is perfect?